Fucking Curveballs

 Welp today was definitely an interesting, heartbreaking day. Never knew that someone who played me could hurt me so. LoJ as I spoke about in my last post finally got back to me today aftet leaving me on read for days. And this time I found the truth.

He never had feelings for me, he never wanted more from me. I was the easiest and most available person for sex that was around and he knew i wouldnt tell him no. He said he didnt even find me attractive. Well I mean no duh dude. Im a single mom to 2 kids, meaning me time, personal time, is not an option.

I know im not the best nor most attractive person around. I know I struggle with losing weight and getting my pre-pregnancy body back. I know my teeth are broken (due to a genetic disorder, not any type of drug use or neglect). Ive got stretch marks, I've got scars, I've got bruises and scrapes. I'm rough around the edges in more ways then one.

Whats funny is I realized today that I'm really not too upset by it because secretly this entire time I've been usong LoJ to replace the feelings i have for my best friend. My best friend who we'll call TRO, aka the real one, sent me a snap this morning calling me good looking. He makes me smile, blush, laugh, all in just a single moment. I am in love with my best friend and ive been trying to use LoJ as a means to try to ignore and lose those feelings.

Life really does throw shitty curveballs every now and then. Welp with all those realizations today I'm gonna go watch Edward Scissorhands which is an amazing Tim Burton film, and pig out on chips and soda. I'll hit the gym for my first time tomorrow. 

P.S. I'll definitely be making a post tomorrow about all the amazingness that is Tim Burton Films and the best hidden meanings and quotes. You'll come to realize as you get to know me through these posts that Tim Burton is my favorite director.

Goodnight lovelies 💜

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